she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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