I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
