the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
