You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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