I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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