and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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