you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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