so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
