So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
