every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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