tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
