oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just invented taco cereal.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize