well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
