how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
