whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
