it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
