Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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