thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
