Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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