i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Sober January is a disaster.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
