hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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