dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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