those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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