I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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