i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
