Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
