she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I checked into jail on foursquare
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
