i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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