just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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