Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
