there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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