I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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