Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
