you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
