I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
