Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
