I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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