saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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