that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
