Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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