I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
