The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
