Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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