Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
