Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
