who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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