No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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