$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
