i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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