Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Randomize
