at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
