cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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